The Abbey of New Clairvaux

So, I spent two nights at the Trappist monastery of New Clairvaux and here begins my reflection upon the experience.

First I have to admit I was a little nervous about going. Not only had I never been to a monastery before but I had never really spent that much time with Roman Catholics either. Though I new they would be hospitable I was still rather nervous. For myself I brought my Bible a note pad and clean cloths. Nothing else. I was determined to spend the whole time in prayer, meditation, and reading scripture.

The part of the monastery that is open to the public is the guest houses (including a small library and dinning room), the orchard, the wine tasting room, and the church building. The Monks rarely interacted with the guests at all unless they were asked to give spiritual direction or confession. For the most part they worked in the orchard or stayed in their cloister. The one time that the guests were sure to see the monks was when they gathered in the chapel 7 times a day for prayer, scripture reading, and singing of the psalms. We where still separated from them by a good distance.

I joined the monks in the chapel 5 times a day (The two times I didn't join them where for the 3:30am and 6am services). and each service lasted about 10-15 minutes with one or two being longer than the others. I did not join them in singing since I neither new the tune or the words but just sat and listened to them. For the most part I walked around the grounds and orchard (though it was in the 90s and even hit 100 while I was there) thinking and praying or I was in my room reading scripture, thinking, and praying. There were not very many people up at the monastery. The most guests I saw at one time was at meal time and that was 6 people. In order to keep my focus I did not strike up conversations with anyone though when they asked me something I would willingly respond and I did have a few good conversations while I was there.

Nearly the first passage I read in my time there was the letter in the book of Revelations to the Ephesians and it struck to my core. "remember the height from which you have fallen. Remember your first love." And then I read John 15 and the passage in which Jesus tells his followers to count the cost of following him. That we must give up everything to follow him. My thoughts, my prayers, centered on what I needed yet to give up what I needed to "prune" from my life. (my understanding of pruning is that you cut much of the new growth from the branches, what are called "suckers" because they suck out the ability of the tree to produce a bountiful harvest) What things in my life were not yet bound up body and soul to the service of the kingdom? I have a few answers to work on for now but the question that remains with me (no doubt helped along by the example of the monks) is, what does it mean for me, in this day, age, and place, to Deny myself. To take up my cross. And then to follow him. I have a feeling that its not a vow of poverty that God is looking for in me. At least not in the same way the monks vow. But rather, though I have money and material things, while I yet have them to count them payed and not my own. And whenever something becomes a "sucker"on my life to prune it. I know that this won't be easy. That its going to hurt. A lot. And that it can only be done through the grace and power of Jesus Christ. But also that this is the only path that leads to life. Further up and further in my friends!

The other thing that was on my mind was something most unmarried young men think about. Can you guess? I happen to believe that if God calls us to a profession, to a place, and to a people, he also calls us, who are to be married (and by that I mean those not called to celibacy), to a person. I have already asked for and received one quality about her that I know she will have. I asked only that God would now give me eyes to see and ears to hear. For those who I haven't told and who are curious what I mean by a quality, I wrote something to remind myself.

I turned upon my bed.
Heart heavy with care.
I called out to the Lord,
"How will I know her?
What shall be her quality?"
And swift came the answer.
"ME." said He.

That answer terrified me. How could I see that in someone? How could I possibly be worth of that? Who could have that quality? For those of you who might read this and wonder, I do not know myself what exactly it will look like. I only hope, and so I have prayed, that I will know it when I see it.

To be honest I'm glad I only had 48 hours at New Clairvaux. I can take only so much meditation before I cannot but be moved to put it into practice. And so I resume my search for her. Whomever she may be. And I begin to prune my life of these suckers.

To all my friends, I'll race you home!

So another week passes

This past week has been mostly uneventful. There was only a few things going on and no new thing which I could start due to my leaving on August 3rd. There had been one scheduled event which I would have been in charge of had it not been canceled due to a lack of interest. The other event, the farmers market, was a typical one and therefore one which I was already thoroughly prepared for. Even the one problem with that solved itself. I had been looking for someone to take over for me when I leave since the farmers market carries on till the end of August and I will be a number of hours travel away during that time. Vasa (short for Vasily) volunteered to take over. He is a guy just a little older than I am and passionate about Christ and his church. I think I leave it in good hands when I leave it in his.

I continue to talk with D every week. This week I must admit that my conversations with him are getting a little bit repetitive and therefore I became a little annoyed internally this time. He keeps asking we why people don't just live by what the Bible says, why God doesn't just keep his Christians safe, why things don't just... He believes in predestination so strongly that he doesn't think freewill exists. He therefore also questions God's justice. He wonders why God makes people endure pain and doesn't just take them home. He wonders why God lets corruption into the Church and into America. I try to explain that things are often far more complex than he makes them out to be. That God has a wonderful master plan for everything that will happen and for the good at that. I try to explain how God enters into suffering with us and never lets us go. I try, and I try, and I try. And I wonder if I'm not making this too much about what I'm doing. This was never about what I could do, how cleverly I could craft arguments, how elegantly I could phrase them, or how well I could comfort him. I know and have known that only God can change a heart. Why am I disappointed? I know it was never about me or what I do. So why do I get frustrated? Did I forget? for a moment? for a day?

Lord, may I not have impeded your work in him by actions concerned with self.

I must still try, but when it is about my actions I do not believe I am being faithful to God's vision of Kingdom.

Today I am leaving Lincoln and Granite Springs for a few days and going up to a monastery. I will try to be obedient to God's will there in a quiet way. I am grateful for the days off. I have not had much of a rest since I got out here right after exams. But I must remind myself that while I have these days off, they are not free days.

I am looking forward to seeing you all again. And I'm looking forward to going home for a while. (I haven't seen my parents and brothers since Christmas)

Further up and further in!

Music and Drama Camp

This last week was consumed by one event: Music and Drama Camp. From 9am - noon, Monday through Friday I was busy being a coach for the second and third graders. It didn't take the kids long to realize that I was very willing to play with them. And by play with them I mean spin them around, flip them over, toss them, and chase them. During this time my responsibilities were to teach the kids their lines and songs and make sure they generally had a good time doing it. I had about 13 kids in total and there were 45 that came to camp. If your wondering no I didn't try to do it all on my lonesome. Granite Springs isn't so cruel. There was another coach with me named Vasa and a few teen helpers. While it was fun it was also extraordinarily exhausting. I slept very well each night.



On Sunday we had our performance. The musical the kids had learned was one written by a precious worship leader and had a few of Jesus Parables re-written to sound like a modern day story and set to the theme Under Construction. My group got the parable of the wise and foolish builder. A number of the other coaches were worried about how things were going to turn out but for me, by that point, I new that either the kids new their lines and songs or they didn't and nothing I could do that morning would change a thing and so I didn't get anxious. It wouldn't have done a thing to get anxious. In the end the whole performance went off without many hitches. The hitches that did happen just make the kids look cute anyways. For instance some of the kids got really excited to sing their songs for the parents and sang REALLY loud.



Throughout the week I had been doing stories as Aesop. I related the stories of Icarus, Daniel and the Lions Den, Noah's Ark, and Theseus and the Minotaur. I didn't get to do Aesop's fables like I had hoped because we ran out of time. Oh well. My stories were probably the only time the entire week that the kids sat quite and still, besides the odd heckler yelling, "You're really Jon aren't you!" (which I didn't admit to them till after the performance on Sunday) I enjoyed telling the stories and I was happy that the kids enjoyed them too.

As I came to the end of the week I realized that I would only be here in Granite Springs for three more Sundays (now down to two) and I was a little sad. Just as I was finding my place at Granite Springs I have to leave. The realization that whats going on here is only temporary set in. Having found brothers and sisters in Christ and now having to leave with the possibility of never seeing them again is a bit sad. Not that I'm unhappy about going home and seeing my family. It's just a little sad. I shouldn't wonder if my dying days may feel like this; I'll miss those I leave behind while at the same time looking forward to our only true home.

So I'll end this post saying that while I'm a little sad to be leaving here so shortly. I'm looking forward more eagerly to going home to family and back to Calvin to friends.

Further up and further in!

His Kingdom Come

As I was writing this reflection I started to worry about people who might read it and say, "Whats wrong with me if I don't feel the way he does?" and on the chance that it might be the case I will say a few words before we begin. Every Christian goes through highs and lows in their spiritual life. Being at the bottom is not bad nor is it wrong. In fact I shouldn't wonder if it is the low points of our spiritual life that God shows us and gives us the strength to reach the heights we aspire to. So if you ever read anything at all that makes you feel like less of a Christian for feeling down. Stop. and remember that whoever wrote about the good times experienced hard ones and was no less of a saint for it.

This last week of avoiding distractions has brought into focus what I could best describe as God's lesson for me this summer. It came through the second line in the Lord's Prayer, "Your Kingdom come." As I thought about it and prayed about it a passion began to stir in me and I started writing down some of the thoughts that came to mind;

"It's not about fame, its not about fortune, its not about anything in this great wide planet. Its about truth, its about grace, its about love, its about justice.

It's about setting the captives free; free from anger, free from addiction, free from shame, free from earthly bonds of servitude, and free from sin.

Its about defending the defenseless; the orphans, the widows, the migrant workers, the ex-convicts, the illegal immigrants and those in insane asylums.

And its about providing for those in need.

Its not about me. Its about him. Whatever is done; I do, you do, we do, he does, she does, they do. Whatever is done, His Kingdom Come

And this is our Joy: The Love that Christ first showed us, we might share with others."

For the first time it felt like almost all of my being was focused toward a goal. For the first time I found the sort of work that I had previously found to be barley bearable to nearly become a joy. For the first time I was able to tell God that if it was his will I was willing to accept celibacy. I had never been able to do that before since I so cherished the thought of marriage and family. In truth I still do but the yearning for God's kingdom has reached such a pitch that I am no longer afraid to tell God that I'm ok with it if that's his plan for me. Truth be told I'll still be a little sad if it is the case.

The phrase "His Kingdom Come" now holds power in a way that it didn't before. With its new power all the old lines that divided denominations began to blur in front of my eyes, they don't really matter, and all hope for my own greatness began to fade, what am I after all. If I am to be remembered, let it only be so long as the memory of me promotes the Kingdom, and if I am forgot may he never be. Whatever work is done I take no credit. Who made me? Who trained me? Who brought me to his work? That is who deserves credit and not I.

His Kingdom Come!

As I write the end of this a thought crosses my mind and makes me chuckle. If that simple phrase opens up a whole new world for me, what is God's next lesson for me?

What follows from here is a summary of the events of the previous week. If they hold no interest for you, don't read further.

During the main body of the week there were not many going ons. Mainly the other staff was consumed with getting ready for Drama Music Camp (our version of VBS). The big events of my week were Saturday and Monday.

Saturday I went down to Bridge of Life Church to visit Rachel and see what Bridge of Life was about. We biked around the area of their ministry then went over to Old Sacramento. Old Sacramento is set up like it was during the gold rush days. By that I mean the outsides of the shops where the basic trim and style of the day but the shops themselves where modern. After that we went down to see the capitol building of California. It was almost a shock to see so many mature trees in the middle of the city after so long. There were all sorts of huge trees redwoods not least among them. The most interesting thing however was how separate spheres of society live so close together. Just a mile, or as Rachel explained, even a few blocks apart. After the grand tour we went to help out with an awards dinner for the kids involved in the Sports for Life Camp that Bridge of Life put on. I was struck by a statement from one of the leaders who said that the parents ought to encourage their kids to get good at sports since that was the only way to get them a better life. It struck me as wrong. Not false, but wrong that sports was the only way to college and a better life for so many people. Later as I was thinking about it the thought occurred to me, whether it was a good thing to encourage them to leave. Why not have them focus on fixing the place where they are? It certainly can't be that hopeless can it?

Monday was just plain busy. There was Music Drama Camp in the morning from 9-noon. I'm a coach for the 2nd and 3rd graders. That means I play games with them and help them learn their lines and songs with the help of another person. I was also asked to do a bit of story telling so I found an ENORMOUS black beard, a tunic, a staff, and a hat one of the pastors got from Turkey. I called myself Aesop (since I plan on telling some of Aesop's fables later on) and told them the story of Daedalus and Icarus.

Here's a picture of me in the middle of telling the story.

After Drama Music Camp I went and talked with D. Our conversation centered once again on his questions about why God blesses at some times and in some ways and not others. I plan on reflecting on that question and writing a response to him sometime this week. Our conversation once again took about 2 hours. And honestly I was a bit warn out already or I might have been able to provide him with better conversation.

At the end of the day was the Gathering Inn. The Gathering Inn helps a bunch of people who have no homes for whatever reason get food an shelter. They ask for churches to open up their doors and host these people for a night. They do screen the people. Daily drug tests along with a maximum stay time of 180 days in the program keep the people who just want a hand out further away and helps to make sure that people who are actually trying to move their life along get help. I went into more detail in a previous post so I won't get into all the details a second time.

That night we had tri-tip for them and we found a band to provide entertainment for a bit that night. Pastor Doug asked me to give the "words of hope" that night and I told them the story of the hymn "It is well with my soul" and we sang it. My favorite moment of the night was when there was a couple sitting on a bench reading through one of Paul's list of vices that won't get into heaven in a Today booklet. The husband (or so I took him to be) said to her, "where are you in there?" She pointed to a couple of the vices and said, "Forgive me Jesus." I was near by (they had called me over to ask me what some of the words meant) and I said, "And the good news is, he already has." She put her hand on my shoulder as she continued to look at the page and she smiled a little.

That pretty well wraps up my 7th week here.

Godspeed my friends.

His Kingdom Come!

June 30th – July 6th

I hate asking people to volunteer for things. Especially over the phone. I dislike calling people too. Its not that I dislike talking to people on the phone but I just stress out about it. So to anyone I don’t call, it’s not because I don’t like you. I was handed the project of putting together an entry for Granite Springs’ 4th of July Parade. And I needed people to come out and walk the parade route with us. I had faced this issue before when I was trying to find volunteers for the Farmers Market but then I kind of backed off and didn’t call too many people. After being a bit disappointed with myself over that performance, my understanding of asking for a person to volunteer changed. It isn’t up to me to get volunteers. Its God’s task that I’m helping with. He’ll bring the right volunteers. All I need to do is present it like an opportunity, an invitation to service. With that being said, though still with some nervousness, I was able to find some volunteers for the parade. We had about 8 people in total and it went well. I would have liked a few more volunteers but we had enough. That was the big stressor for the week. After that was done on Saturday morning I just coasted till Monday.

Later Saturday night I joined the Den Oudens (my host family) at a yearly gathering at their friend’s house. They barbequed dinner and then gathered in their cul-de-sac with their neighbors to shoot off fireworks. Joshua (a nephew of the family I think), a little boy of about 4, reminded me of what childlike wonder was like. Long ago I had lost my sense of amazement about fireworks. I had seen so many before. Since then I have begun to wonder whether I had lost out on a lot of beauty in the world by giving up on childlike wonder. Whether I might have seen God’s face again in a city skyline or a calm pool in the forest. So for that, thank you Joshua.

I talked with D again this Monday. This time our conversation lasted 3 hours. He does not think we have free will. He does not believe that genetics have anything to do with homosexuality. He does not understand why God has chosen to grant some of his prayer requests and not others, especially the request that God alleviate his pain. I ignored the issues of Homosexuality and free will. It was plain to see that no one could convince him otherwise about his beliefs. And about why God honors some of our requests and not others I did not have an answer. Even if I had it may have been unwise to give it. All I could give him was comfort. I reminded him of the hymn by Horatio Spafford It is Well with my Soul and the story behind the song. How God uses suffering to make us into something different something better. He responded asking whether it was worth it. Was the pain worth the prize at the end? He trusted God, he said, but he just didn’t understand. I reminded him that sometimes we just have to trust in God. That he knows better than we do how to bring us to himself. Often we won’t know why we are in a specific circumstance till years later or we may never know. But God has a plan for it.

During this week I have been reflecting over my life and struggling with myself. For the past while I have been ignoring answering God on one question he has posed to me. When am I going to give up distractions and focus on him? I didn’t want to give all of it up. Video games, TV, books, friends, anything and everything I could do to keep from looking him squarely in the face I used. Truth is, I am a little terrified of what I might find there. I know it will change me. And as much as I dislike some of what I am it’s far less frightening and far more comfortable to stay where I am. But I’ve been getting frustrated with myself for putting off this question for so long and have been feeling a little desperate as if I was continually on the downside of the usual spiritual rise and fall of the Christian life. So for the next while I will be getting ride of all the distractions I can. I’m leaving my computer at the office, I’m not going to turn on the TV, and I’ll keep books to a minimum. If all goes well prayer, scripture, and meditation (on future and present life) will be the center of the next few weeks beyond the church office. I do not expect to find all the “answers” by doing this. I do not expect this to solve all of my problems. I do hope that it will help or perhaps illuminate what I ought to do next. If it fails, if I fail, it’s only a few weeks wasted. If on the other hand it’s a step forward…

Godspeed, my brother and sisters in Christ.

June 22-29

Yesterday the 29th was a great day. I am truly satisfied, but to explain why I'll need to tell the story of this last week.

To start off this week I managed to find a couple volunteers for our Farmers Market booth after a few weeks of trying, and Dale Cooper was coming to visit at my half way point for the internship (I'm surprised it's already 5 weeks in, I feel like I haven't been here nearly that long). But with Coop's coming I had to do the mid-internship worksheet and reflected more upon what I wanted in an internship. I realized that I was unsatisfied. I had been getting up and going about what felt like the drudgery of work. I did it because I felt obligated too. After all I was here to serve the church at Granite Springs. This lead me to feeling tired and misused. I talked over the mid-internship worksheet with Doug the Assistant Pastor and he suggested that perhaps both this and my distaste at calling people and asking them to do something might come from my own feeling of being drawn into a project (once in it is hard for me to back out, I feel obligated to continue something even when I dislike doing it). So he suggested both I think on that and changing my way of doing things from I ought to do this to I choose to do this if it were the case. This all happened on a Thursday morning and I had to orchestrate the Farmers Market yet.

So I thought on it. It did seem to ring true. And I recalled that I had come up to this problem before. In college a couple times I had fallen into the trap of just surviving and not thriving. It seems I had fallen to it again. How frustrating it is. I had been reading C.S. Lewis' book Surprised by Joy and realized that what he said about finding joy could be applied to my own life: to find joy you cannot look for joy itself. If you do that it will always be just out of reach. But if you devote yourself wholly to a task which captures you, you will find joy at every turn. From here on out God will be that goal which brings me joy.

Dale came Thursday evening to the Farmers Market but we didn't really talk about the internship then but it was good just to see him and Marcia again. Friday we met at the church to show them around what I was doing and to talk about how the internship was going. I related my struggles to him and Marcia and they said that everyone at some point falls into the trap of just getting by and not thriving but also that I should talk to Kevin and Doug about changing the focus of my internship more toward discipleship stuff. After that we went out and had lunch at the Beach Hut Deli near by. Its a sandwich shop and if you ever have the opportunity to go to one do it. And get a sandwich a little smaller than the one you think you can handle since they pile it high with all sorts of great stuff. After that they left to go get Rachel from Sacramento and bring her back up here to go have dinner together. We went to a place called Bouneratties (I think) and the four of us along with Kevin and his wife had dinner. It was a pleasant evening.

Nothing really special happened on Sunday except that I got a few volunteers to join in the Granite Springs 4th of July Parade entry.

Now to Monday. I was to meet with D (the guy from the Farmers Market) at two and go to the Monday Night feast later that night. So I prepared. I read through all of my opponents arguments and reminded myself of my answers to them and then I prayed. D and I talked for 2 hours and 15 minutes. We did not keep to the topic of the TNIV translation but ranged over allot of ground. We just talked. He wondered about why Christians suffer even though God promises to protect those who obey him. He asked my why Timothy got circumcised (I don't know what verse he was quoting) even though Paul had been one of the people who made sure in Acts 15 that gentile believers did not have to get circumcised. I was able to answer some of his questions on others, like on the issue of the problem of evil, I was only able to say that he was in good company. No one had been able to answer that in 2000 years of Christianity. Over all it went well. He was teachable in some areas and not in others and I will be meeting with him again next week. The biggest problem I came up against in him was with trusting other people. He had been in a job where he had come into contact with corrupt and twisted people every day multiple times a day and has had trouble trusting people to do the right thing ever since. If you would that's what I would ask someone to pray about for him: that he learn to be more trusting. Especially of those people who are his sisters and brothers in Christ.

That is the sort of thing I love doing. Talking with someone about the issues they have with faith and giving comfort and imparting knowledge wherever I can. I was both exhausted and energized at the end of our meeting. And I still had 3 hours of the Monday night feast ahead of me.

For those of you who might not know/recall what the MNF is; it is a ministry which targets poor people. At the end of the month when food stamps and government aid runs dry people still need to eat and MNF tries to alleviate some of that by offering food to anyone who needs it on the last Monday of every month. I was once again able to talk to Dutch, an older man with allot of his life behind him and allot of wisdom from that. I was able to get to know the people who were hurting in the area a little better and I was able to encourage the people putting on the feast a little. My work day ended at 8 pm. I was tired but happy with how it had went.

Romans 16:27 my friends!

TNIV Translation Stuff

Here is the website he sent me to for anyone who is interested.
http://www.av1611.org/kjv/tniv_intro.html
And if anyone was wondering I found his arguments entirely unconvincing.

June 15-22

This last week has been dominated by one project: A defense of the TNIV translation of the Bible. This was the suggestion of the gentleman at the farmers market who we shall call D. D was concerned that Granite Springs Church was supporting a translation which he thought was in short irreverent. He thought that the translators had made certain changes in order to be more politically correct rather than for the sake of accuracy. D had gotten this information off the internet… He was unsatisfied with my on the spot response so I told him that I would look into the matter more and respond to his arguments. I took down his email and he took mine so that we could communicate and I would be able to see laid out in front of me the arguments he supported. D Sent me to one particular website. The author of the particular article which Harold quoted I had hoped would be a scholarly man. Unfortunately I was dead wrong. He quoted what he could but used fear and name calling as the main force of his argument. I was frustrated to no end and that day wrote 1400 words without looking at a page of research beyond D’s article. The rest of the week, even when I was not working on this response it loomed over my mind and frequently I would think of something else to put in it and have ended up with 2,861 words in total. I had to be precise yet gentle, using Biblical passages and modern day examples, I had to explain to a smart man, things which he had never heard before. Like basic Greek grammar. And in the end I have found some satisfaction in it. I pray that it is well received as I am sending it out today.

The farmers market was hot this week. Almost unbearable for having come out of a Michigan winter (I know it’s been a while but it’s such a dramatic change that while I’ve gotten used to how hot it’s been, that day was still uncomfortable). And because it was hot, at first very few people actually came to the farmers market. Later on as the day cooled, at around 7pm, people started coming out and the farmers market really got underway. Overall the day went well. Met more people. Helped others. Made some kids happy. It’s work that should be done and even if I don’t particularly enjoy it (especially since it means I have an 11 hour work day) but I guess I’m content to do it for the time being.

This week we read Bonhoeffers Life Together chapter 4. Well, everyone else did I accidentally read chapter 5. Thankfully I had read Chapter 4 before in a certain class. We (the staff) got into a discussion about one particular statement of his. “Every member of the congregation should have some function in the congregation so that they feel like they’re needed.” Is about what he said. We discussed what role a decrepit old person might have since we believed that they were a part of the congregation even if they could not do anything physical nor could they sing or teach. My response was, well they can certainly pray. (I believe prayer to be a very powerful thing, as it is written the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective) And we went still further and speculated about someone who was not only physically gone but mentally gone as well and whether their gift, their service to the congregation was in being someone who was served. I think that while this hypothetical situation is possible it is far from likely.

Kevin had me recite another Psalm for the Call to worship this Sunday. Psalm 125. For the 1st service I got up in front and began to recite it and after the first verse my mind went blank. I started again but the second verse just wouldn’t come. The congregation started to laugh a little. Strangely enough I found it reassuring (those who trust in the Lord will not be shaken Ps 125:1). I knew they weren’t laughing in a derogatory way. After a little while the second verse came back and I recited the rest from memory. As I left the stage the church applauded and all I could do was smile. After the service one of the congregants came up to me and gave me a hug. With a waver in her voice she said thank you for doing that since it makes people less scared about getting up in front of everyone since now they realize they don’t need to be perfect. Funny isn’t it? How God works in such weird ways? I guess there’s an Old Dutch saying that goes with this, “God can hit straight with a crooked stick.” Oh and if you’re wondering the second service it went off without a hitch.

As I’ve been reading through other Jubilee Fellow’s blogs and in reading about particular obstacles they are coming up against. Ones which I feel particularly passionate about, I have begun to wonder why has God put me at Granite Springs and not there. Yet where I am is where God wants me to be and that means I’m in the best place possible even if it doesn’t seem so at the moment. Thus am I curious. Even since I was a little boy I prayed that God would use me for whatever he wanted to, even if that would only be putting one nail in a board somewhere. Since then my prayer has grown to “Help me be content Lord, even if all I am to do is hammer one nail.” Maybe this is a step towards that. Maybe not. But until I figure it out (if I ever do) I’ll wait, watch, and trust. After all, God knows what he’s doing much better than I do.

After I wrote that last paragraph I did some thinking. I took a break from writing and did other things and some thoughts came together. 1. I am not here for ME to do work. It was never my work. I could never have done it on my own. I’m here in obedience to God and his plan. 2. God put me here, at least in part, to grow into my relationship with him and I’m beginning to see just how he is stretching me here. 3. God is God and I am not.

From the ends of the earth I called to you,

I call as my heart grows faint;

Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

For you have been my refuge,

A strong tower against the foe.

I long to dwell in your tent forever

And take refuge in the shelter of your wings. (Psalm 61:2-4)

Week 3: Farmers Market, Opa and Oma's, and Psalms Seminar

That Sunday John Witvliet Professor at Calvin College and Calvin Seminary preached at our church on the Psalms in anticipation of the seminar on Saturday the 13th which Granite Springs was hosting.



On Monday I went and sat in on the deacons meeting. I had never actually been interested in sitting in on a deacons meeting since they deal with things like church finances and such but I said that I'd come to this one since Doug suggested I go and sit in (I had always been interested in sitting in on an elders meeting since they deal with stuff like spiritual guidance). So I did and found it very interesting, or at least a part of it. They were talking about finding new deacons. I had read I Timothy 3:8-10 in preparation and came prepared to as the Pastor staff about the Biblical mandate for "testing" deacons since I had never before seen that put into practice nor had I been struck by the need for testing before. I was pleasantly surprised to find the conversation go toward making people "apprentice deacons" before making them full time deacons which fits in well with the idea of testing. It seemed that their desire to implement this strategy came from their experience with finding new deacons in the past instead of strict attention to Biblical detail. Which only goes to show that the Bible can make so much of our lives easier if we pay attention to it.



For this Tuesday we listened to the second part Tim Keller's teaching on the "Missional Church." I recommend it to anyone who wonders what the church ought to be doing when it comes to evangelism. The main thing it has to say is be hospitable, and it explains how to do that. It has 7 ways of being hospitable that churches normally don't see. The biggest point he talks about is to talk as if your unbelieving neighbors are already present. Don't gloss over major theological points like "Jesus died to appease the wrath of God" without at the very least commenting on how absurd it sounds to that unbeliever. Avoid tribal language, us against them talk, especially when you are talking about a different church or denomination. Don't talk as if you're overly pious since that can scare people away since they don't know how to talk like that. There is a lot more and I couldn't do it full justice in a short summary. Go listen to it yourself. For those of you who will be at Calvin next year I have a copy I can let you borrow.



The bulk of the rest of my week was spent making the final preparations for the Farmers Market booth and then actually doing it. The Farmers Market started on Thursday June 11 and will go ever Thursday until the end of August. I thought the first time went well, though I have no point of reference. The purpose of the farmers market was to invite people to the church. Either through the front door or through a side door (like Music and Drama Camp or the exercise ministry we host). I had several families who were very interested in the Music and Drama camp. I handed out some balloons to kids and some even stopped by and made a necklace or bracelet from the string and beads I brought along. I was also able to help another booth tear down and give out water to thirsty people. In other words, show the Love of Christ in actions. I have some things to rearrange and re-plan for next time (and maybe get some volunteers) but over all I think it went well. Oh I almost forgot, while at the Farmers Market I received a question from a concerned member of the congregation concerning the translation of the TNIV. I promised the person I would look over his concerns and get back to him. I am a thrilled and a little surprised that I will get a chance not only to practice academics but greek as well outside of Academia. Though I would appreciate prayers as the results of my research will have much more of an impact than just some grade on a paper.


On Friday, my day out of the office. I went down to see my relatives in Escalon. I have not been down there since my senior year of High school. At least 4 years. It was good to see all of them again and catch up on what has been going on in recent years. The nearly 2 hour drive each way was not very restful but I was still glad I took my day off to go down and see them. Oh an we had Tri-tip again. :p

Saturday was the day of the Worship and the Psalms Seminar with John and Charlotte Witvliet. It was nice to be a student, again as strange as that sounds, and to understand another way of looking at worship. Worship as formative was the theme for the day. Using worship to move people through the steps of prayer (adoration, confession, thanksgiving, and supplication etc.) and using the psalms as templates for that since many move from anger or bewilderment to patient watchfulness. I agreed with John on this topic. I think that worship should not only be a time for us to praise God but to move us to a better relationship with him.

The week ended with me reciting Psalm 122 for the call to worship on Sunday the 14th. It went well and people seemed to be impressed with it even though it wasn't really anything big. One lady even said she thought I looked like a Jewish person when I was reciting it (she said the beard helped :) but I'm just glad God used it to grab people.

Ah. Now I'm all caught up. Thanks for your comments and prayers.

Godspeed.

A Picture

Kevin and I walking around the Atrium setting up before The Gathering Inn

June 2-6

To prepare for Tuesday's staff meeting (it now seems we as staff will be doing some sort of reading or activity over the previous week to talk about during the meeting) Pastor Kevin Adams had us complete Myers-Briggs Personality tests and the CRC's Spiritual Gifts Questionnaire. As it turns out I'm an INTJ (Introverted [75%] iNtuitive [39%] Thinking [1%] Judging [3%]) and have the working gifts of Faith (14) Wisdom (13) Service (13) and Shepherding (12) and waiting gifts of Encouragement (15) Intersession (14) Teaching (14) and Discernment (13). We discussed how different types of people communicate with each other. It was good just to realize that when I don't understand how someone thinks it's because they process information differently. And how a Pastoral team can suffer when it lack a gift or a set of gifts that allow it to function. Like a pastoral staff lacking some sort of gift in teaching is going to be in major trouble (gifts like knowledge or shepherding can compensate if the specific gift of teaching isn't present). And so with gifts of leadership or caring. The thing that frightens me about my own gifts is that many of the gifts the survey said I have are ones I deeply admire in others as ones which guide and fertilize the church which means that people who have them have great responsibility. This kind of responsibility is the sort that if done lightly or poorly can cause people to stumble in their faith and that is what scares me. Not that I would be light about it but because I know deeply that I'm a fallible human being. I have full confidence that God will guide his church through and sometimes in spite of its leaders. I only hope that I can and will listen attentively to him. That is a prayer I will say from now till the day I die.

The rest of the week went as a normal week for the most part. Plan the farmers market booth, look for stuff to do, and help out with whatever needed to be done before the church service on Sunday. The one highlight of my week was going over to Doug Bouws' house for dinner on one night that week.

Doug (as I explained earlier) is the Pastor of Hospitality at Granite Springs Church and he and his wife invited me over for dinner. They have three you girls. Their eldest just graduated from kindergarten and their youngest just turned a year old while I've been in CA. I can honestly say that I had forgotten how much I a like kids until that night and it was great just getting to know Doug better. There was also the sweetest thunderstorm that night. Cloud to cloud lightning a couple times a second and a little bit of rain which vaporized when it hit the pavement making the drive home kinda creepy but very cool on the drive home as the mist rose from the road and lightning flashed overhead illuminating valleys and trees along a road I had never driven along before!!

May 30 - June 1

That next Sunday, the last of May, I had nothing big to do in Church. I worshiped during one service and I helped out with Rainbow club again. This time I helped the teacher a little more but all I really did was try and help keep the kids quite and orderly. It was nice just to sit back and enjoy a service.

Monday night we hosted an event called The Gathering Inn. The program of the Gathering Inn is all about helping the poor. It targets those people who have lost their home for whatever reason. The staff of Gathering Inn have all of the participants in the program take drug and alcohol tests daily and only allow the participants to be in the program for 180 days to assure that the people in the program cannot just rely on free handouts but have to pursue employment (if they lost their jobs, not all of them have) and other living arraignments. Then they take all the participants (there was about 40-50 that night) to a church where they are fed dinner and allowed to sleep the night. The staff of the Gathering Inn once again has things set up to ensure that participants just don't take advantage of generous people and have a list of rules that they read each night at the church; things like what areas are off limits, who the monitors for the night are, where the fire exits are, and rules of behavior like no romantic relations during the night. They also have the participants clean up after themselves and ask for volunteers to clean every area they are allowed to be in. Its a great program. This was the first time Granite Springs Church would be hosting it and Pastors Kevin and Doug wanted me to shadow the person in charge of our end of the event and report back to them about how things went. I was impressed with the whole thing. There were no problems and I was surprised to see that almost every single one of the people who came volunteered to do something. They were truly thankful to be there. For dinner we had Tri-Tip (the 4th time for me in 8 days) which everyone was excited about and then we had a special treat for them. We had asked a local band to come and play for them. The group consisted of a drum player, a bass player, and a lead guitar and vocalist who called themselves the Wasted Youth (did I mention all of them had graying hair?). They absolutely loved it. They were singing along and clapping and the band was having a good time too. I was so glad to be a part of it, even though all I really did was help set up some chairs. The only hiccup we encountered was when they were explaining how things went to us about 15 minutes before our guests arrived and told us that the pastor have 10 minutes or so of time to share some words of hope (read mini sermon).

Pastor Kevin and I were a little surprised. What Kevin decided on was to talk about the picture of the prodigal son and have me tell some of my story as an encouragement to our guests to tell their stories to us. For Kevin he had practiced and presented that picture so many times he knew almost exactly what he was going to say but I... I didn't know how my story could possibly qualify as words of hope to a group of people who had seen so much misfortune. I went off and prayed about it till they came. I honestly didn't know what exactly I was going to say until the Pastor Kevin was partway through his speech. I realized that these people saw themselves mostly as prodigal children while I had been the opposite and that the story of how God had been turning my life from one of following the rules and holding on to resentful and prideful feelings (like the elder son) to a person more like him might offer them some hope on their journey. I was relieved when people shook my hand afterwords both that it was over and that it touched some of them. Maybe God can produce living water from out of the rock of my life.

Week 1

Tuesday morning was my first day in the office. I came in at 9am and we had a staff meeting which means I met the people who I'd be working with over the next 10 weeks. I had already met Doug Bouws and Alex Buttweiler (yes that's his real last name) the intern for the churches youth activities the previous day but Sharon, and Kevin Adams were new to me. Them and Lia (who was not in till a day or two later) make up the staff. Sharon and Lia are secretarial sorts and Kevin is the senior pastor and my second mentor for the summer. We talked about what sorts of things we expected from each other as staff. Stuff like honesty and trust and what not. Then Kevin and Doug grabbed me and some leftovers from the fridge and went out to the back of the church and had lunch and talked about vocation, mine and theirs, and we talked about what sort of things I might be doing over the summer. To be honest it sort of frightened me. They gave me a list of 14 things to do over the summer with the expectation that I would make/fin more opportunities for ministry over the course of these first 14. I do much better with a list of things to get done. It's straight forward I know what to expect and when I'm done I'm done. But I can see the potential blessing of this way of going about things. For one Kevin and Doug have no way of knowing what sort of opportunities will present themselves. It would also be advantageous to me to learn how to look for work to do. Since not only will I need to find work in the future but there may be certain opportunities that present themselves only to me and I need to be ready and learn how to jump on them. Gulp...

We also talked about the vision Kevin and Doug have for Granite Springs. They see as primary in human life the story of the prodigal sons. Yes sons. They have a giant recreation of Rembrandt's depiction of the picture in the greeting area and use it as a talking point, a jumping off point for conversation with people who they call "younger" or "elder" sons. Younger sons are the ones who have been running away form the father. They are obvious and straightforward with their rejection of him, but the elder sons are the ones who run away from him by simply following all the rules. They go to church every Sunday, they pray, they memorize Bible verses, and volunteer for many things in the church but they do it to run away. For Kevin and Doug the point of the church, regardless of where a person starts is for that person to become like the father who runs out to the youngest son to welcome him back after the insult of the younger asking for his inheritance and who goes out even to the eldest son who cannot join in the celebration for the youngest because he has been so distant from the joy of his father. Kevin and Doug seek to emulate the father in the story with what they call relentless hospitality. I think it is a very noble goal they set for themselves.

The main project I have been working on is setting up a booth for our local farmers market in Lincoln. "What would a church want with a farmers market?" you might ask. That is precisely the problem I encountered first, but as I explored the possibilities and asked questions I learned that a farmers market can be a great way for a church to get out into the community. What I will be doing once I get to the farmers market is helping other people set up their booths, hand out water to the people viewing the various produce, give balloons to the kids, and describe Granite Springs to anyone who asks me. In general extend the love of Christ in kindness to anyone I happen to meet. So I've been preparing my booth; putting together posters so that people can SEE what I'm talking about, getting a helium tank, taking pictures, trying to find a kids game that can be played in a 10' by 10' area that allows all the kids to win a prize, and trying to figure out how to get volunteers to join in so that this ministry can continue on when I'm gone. I am a little skeptical about how it will actually affect the community, but all the people who have done it before have commended it. So I'll have to take their word for it till I find out how much of an impact this ministry has.

I'm still a week behind on this. I'm trying to catch up.

My first 2 days.

I landed in Sacramento Airport at 6 in the evening on the 24th of May. It had been a smooth ride out and I was a little nervous to meet the family I’d be staying with for the first 5 weeks of my internship. Gordon and Cindy Den Ouden met me at the baggage carousel. They took me out to Panera for my first dinner in California. It was quite good. As we were driving back they tried to explain the various roads to me and I knew I would never remember any of it but I played along and tried anyways. The next day was to be my first Church service at Granite Springs were I would be introduced to the congregation and had it not been for my lack of sleep the previous few days with graduation parties and Paul’s 21st birthday I don’t know if I would have slept at all.

The next day at church I was…well…nervous. Doug Bouws met me in the Sanctuary before the service and gave me a rundown of what I was supposed to do. By the way Doug Bouws is the Pastor of Hospitality at Granite Springs and was the one preaching that day since Pastor Adams was in GR for Calvin Seminary’s graduation. Doug had sent me an email the previous week with a few questions for me to think about in order to prepare me for being introduced to the congregation. When it came time during the service we stood up went to the front and he asked me the questions he had sent me in the email. For the most part it was the typical stuff; tell us a little bit about yourself, what is the Jubilee Fellows program, but the question that I had the hardest time coming up with an answer for beforehand was “Tell us something about yourself that no one would ask.” … For the life of me I only came up with two things to say to that question was: 1. Something that EVERYONE was going to ask me “No I don’t play basketball” and 2. Something so absurd that no one would even think to ask it “The reason I have a beard is not some deep meaningful thing. It is simply that when I was growing up my Dad had a beard and I always wanted one. So now that I can actually grow one I have one.” Thankfully they laughed.

During the rest of the first service I worshiped and listened to the sermon and tried to enjoy the Jazz band lead by Gene Thorpe as they played for the songs (it was a little distracting trying to worship with them playing but oh well). The second service Doug asked me the same questions up front and then had me help out with Sunday school for the 3rd through 5th graders which they call Rainbow Club. Essentially all I did in there was watch since I didn’t have any of the curriculum prepared and the teacher already had an assistant. I was also kind of nervous since it had been quite a while since I had been around that many kids (seeing as how Calvin doesn’t have many people under the age of 12 attending). But I made it through alive.

After the service there was a potluck. Every year they have a Jazz Festival and a Barbecue and this festival is why the church wanted me to come out so soon after exams (I started at the church on the third day after exams were over for me it would have been nice to rest between exams and the internship but oh well). Many people greeted me with a smile and a handshake saying they were glad I was there. And there was sooo much gooood food. The main course was something Californian call Tri-tip. As far as I have been told it’s a cut of meat from an area on the bovine where three different cuts meet. It was seasoned and cooked in pans over a barbeque so that it held on to its juices. I wasn’t fully able to enjoy it then because of everything that happens on a first day but as it turns out I had the opportunity to enjoy Tri-tip 3 more times in the next 7 days. A bit overkill but delicious every single time. And the band played the entire time people were eating and talking. Great food, great music, and friendly people sums up my first Sunday Service.

Afterwards Doug drove me to my new home and who was there to greet me but Brandon Haan and Justin Den Ouden (Justin is Gordon and Cindy’s youngest and had driven in from Calvin with Brandon a few hours earlier). As good as it was to be in a place with such friendly people there is nothing nicer than seeing a familiar face. That night the Den Oudens had a Barbeque of their own with some of their family friends. It was nice just to sit and listen to get to know them a little better.

The next day was Memorial Day so I didn’t go into the office but there was a Monday Night Feast going on that night which I was supposed to attend. So the three of us Justin, Brandon, I toured around Rockline and Lincoln (area cities) until 5pm when we went and helped with MNF. MNF is a ministry that aims to feed people when they most need it: at the end of the month when food stamps and government aid is running low. So we went in and helped set up tables and chairs and then served food as people started arriving. After the line had thinned out we were excused from the line to eat and talk to the people who had come. This was the second time I had Tri-tip in as many days. I ended up talking with a man named Dutch who was one of the volunteers. Dutch had been involved in classified rocket engineering stuff and he told me a few stories about what he had done culminating in his advice to me to find a job that wasn’t really a job. Something I woke up in the morning wanting to do. I smiled and nodded remembering full well that Calvin, Dale Cooper, and my parents had been telling me all along was the same exact thing. But I let him have his moment. All in all we served somewhere around 50 people that night and I was glad that I had the opportunity to help out with a ministry that targeted so well a problem in our society.