The Abbey of New Clairvaux

So, I spent two nights at the Trappist monastery of New Clairvaux and here begins my reflection upon the experience.

First I have to admit I was a little nervous about going. Not only had I never been to a monastery before but I had never really spent that much time with Roman Catholics either. Though I new they would be hospitable I was still rather nervous. For myself I brought my Bible a note pad and clean cloths. Nothing else. I was determined to spend the whole time in prayer, meditation, and reading scripture.

The part of the monastery that is open to the public is the guest houses (including a small library and dinning room), the orchard, the wine tasting room, and the church building. The Monks rarely interacted with the guests at all unless they were asked to give spiritual direction or confession. For the most part they worked in the orchard or stayed in their cloister. The one time that the guests were sure to see the monks was when they gathered in the chapel 7 times a day for prayer, scripture reading, and singing of the psalms. We where still separated from them by a good distance.

I joined the monks in the chapel 5 times a day (The two times I didn't join them where for the 3:30am and 6am services). and each service lasted about 10-15 minutes with one or two being longer than the others. I did not join them in singing since I neither new the tune or the words but just sat and listened to them. For the most part I walked around the grounds and orchard (though it was in the 90s and even hit 100 while I was there) thinking and praying or I was in my room reading scripture, thinking, and praying. There were not very many people up at the monastery. The most guests I saw at one time was at meal time and that was 6 people. In order to keep my focus I did not strike up conversations with anyone though when they asked me something I would willingly respond and I did have a few good conversations while I was there.

Nearly the first passage I read in my time there was the letter in the book of Revelations to the Ephesians and it struck to my core. "remember the height from which you have fallen. Remember your first love." And then I read John 15 and the passage in which Jesus tells his followers to count the cost of following him. That we must give up everything to follow him. My thoughts, my prayers, centered on what I needed yet to give up what I needed to "prune" from my life. (my understanding of pruning is that you cut much of the new growth from the branches, what are called "suckers" because they suck out the ability of the tree to produce a bountiful harvest) What things in my life were not yet bound up body and soul to the service of the kingdom? I have a few answers to work on for now but the question that remains with me (no doubt helped along by the example of the monks) is, what does it mean for me, in this day, age, and place, to Deny myself. To take up my cross. And then to follow him. I have a feeling that its not a vow of poverty that God is looking for in me. At least not in the same way the monks vow. But rather, though I have money and material things, while I yet have them to count them payed and not my own. And whenever something becomes a "sucker"on my life to prune it. I know that this won't be easy. That its going to hurt. A lot. And that it can only be done through the grace and power of Jesus Christ. But also that this is the only path that leads to life. Further up and further in my friends!

The other thing that was on my mind was something most unmarried young men think about. Can you guess? I happen to believe that if God calls us to a profession, to a place, and to a people, he also calls us, who are to be married (and by that I mean those not called to celibacy), to a person. I have already asked for and received one quality about her that I know she will have. I asked only that God would now give me eyes to see and ears to hear. For those who I haven't told and who are curious what I mean by a quality, I wrote something to remind myself.

I turned upon my bed.
Heart heavy with care.
I called out to the Lord,
"How will I know her?
What shall be her quality?"
And swift came the answer.
"ME." said He.

That answer terrified me. How could I see that in someone? How could I possibly be worth of that? Who could have that quality? For those of you who might read this and wonder, I do not know myself what exactly it will look like. I only hope, and so I have prayed, that I will know it when I see it.

To be honest I'm glad I only had 48 hours at New Clairvaux. I can take only so much meditation before I cannot but be moved to put it into practice. And so I resume my search for her. Whomever she may be. And I begin to prune my life of these suckers.

To all my friends, I'll race you home!